It would be a real miracle if there were no such things as bullies let alone bullies within a work place. Many people dread going to work due to this, and if you have ever been a victim of workplace bullying then you will be very aware of how stressful things can get. Unfortunately just because we are all grown up doesn’t stop us from feeling like we are helpless and it can cause us to feel that somehow we are not good enough. This can in time cause low self esteem, anxiety and depression suddenly you start to gain weight or suffering from headaches back pain or problems with your stomach like heart burn or indigestion or even IBS. This is very typical for someone suffering from work place stress. You thoughts will affect your body and you body and you body will start screaming at you if you do not do something to improve you environment.
Often we are not sure how to deal with this issue because it can often be your manager or a boss, I have even have CEO’s coming for help with bullies that are undermining their leadership and causing issues of trust within the workplace. It is very important to address this but it may be buy first understanding how you may be contributing to this situation through understanding your unconscious body language that you are leaking. Up to 80% of our communication is non verbal this can be an issue because often if we already feel stressed about how the conversation will go you have already disadvantaged yourself by coming in believing this. Bullies are often very intelligent and understand how to manipulate the situation to their advantage.
When I coach people I look for clues, I will listen to the tone and pace of voice they use their body language. I am also very interested in how they are telling their story and how they want to change that story.
A bully cannot keep bullying if you refuse to be a victim, this can be one of the most challenging things for people. Often both people need to go to mediation and have a facilitator go through a process with them to help them resolve things and move on. However if both parties are not gaining skills to help them to communicate more effectively then it is often just a matter of time before they find themselves back in another mediation process or looking for another job hoping that with a change in scenery they may be able to start again, only to be face with the next bully in the next job back to square one. I like to take people through a process that helps them to develop a greater understanding how to listen, but not just with their ears. The power of really understanding what someone is saying is a gift that will keep on gifting. You may think that you are hearing what has been said, but chances are you are filtering things through whatever mood that you are in. We all have a unique way of understanding our world and often we are projecting our meaning onto what has been communicated and it isn’t always what that person was meaning at all. NLP or neuro linguistic programming helps us to learn to refine our sensitivity acuity. I teach people to understand how to notice language patterns and how to respond in a way where you can more effectively communicate your needs and get what you need from your relationships. A bully is an opportunity for you to refine the way you communicate, imagine how empowered you would feel if you up skilled your communication style!